My life right now reminds me of one of those weird “confront your fear” episodes that Maury or Tyra used to have. You know, the one where some poor woman is afraid of balloons so they bring one out to her and have her use that aversion therapy to cure her fear? Yes…there was a woman who was afraid of balloons (apparently called globophobia) and she screamed and ran the second they came on the stage. Usually these shows involve snakes, pidgins, clowns and bananas or something else random.

Well, right now, I’m the same way but with Yorkshire Terriers. Thats right, the little cute dogs that people put little pink bows on, and appear to be relatively harmless. Yes this dog. Looks adorable and friendly..right? Well, I’m sure most of them are.

But one little bastard of a Yorkie has me turned off to the breed, and actually turning away when I see one, and immediately heading in the other direction. This is what I see.

My neighbor (who thankfully doesn’t read this blog), has a Yorkie that lives downstairs. Everyone knows the dog. He barks at everything that moves, and hangs out in the kitchen watching life happen outside while expressing his hatred of everything. His owner (also my landlord), keeps him tied up at all times. If he is outside, he is on a leash attached to a pole. If he is inside its the same way in the kitchen. This dog ONLY listens to his owner, and to everyone else, he is an asshole.

Case and point. The first time that he was off leash, out of nowhere, he came lunging after me, racing with his little legs and grabbing onto mine. Got a hold of my calf and wouldn’t let go. Broke skin through my jeans, and then latched on to my other leg, this time only bruising me. What do I do? We were heading to see Flight of the Concords that night, and it wasn’t hospital worthy. Just a scar waiting to happen.

The next few times he was off leash (you would think that after the first incident, that he would never be allowed off leash again), he came racing after Mick and I, but our feet met his head first and his owner got out in time to take him before he could do damage.

Cut to last night. I walk up our courtyard stairs after a long day at work, and see him hanging out…..sans leash. I immediately yell our neighbors name and the POS dog comes running toward me. First, grabs the toe of my Converse. I guess he realized he didnt have skin, so he went after my leg again. Didn’t break skin, but it hurt like hell and I had a few choice words for the guy who was supposedly there taking care of the dog while the owner was at work. Apparently he didn’t know better than to leave the door wide open and have the dog off leash.

I’m not lawsuit happy. I am being the biggest person I can be about this…but I’m not pleased in the least. The dog technically didn’t cause me enough harm to seek medical help. But what about the 1 and 3 year old that live in our complex too? What if the dog was off leash when they were hanging out outside? My question is why would anyone want a dog that a)barks ALL the time, b)cant be off leash for fear of hurting others, c)just sucks all around.

If his owner wasn’t my landlord, I might be thinking differently…but I’m not sure what to do. Short of suggesting that he get rid of him, I’m just not that type of person to call anyone. We warned him last night. Told him that we fear for the kids…and the potential lawsuits (not from us). He claims he has tried everything from classes to shock collars to god knows what else. Its not working. Maybe there is only one option left. A girl can dream.

But seriously…as a dog lover, I’m forever petrified of the Yorkie. I think that they all will just see me, and start running for a piece of juicy flesh. Yorkies are my balloons.